


Hello, Handsome

by Python07



Series: A Fixed Point [13]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 11:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7220893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Python07/pseuds/Python07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Master finds a strange woman in his TARDIS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello, Handsome

“Hello, handsome,” a voice drawled sweetly.

The Master stopped short at the sight of the woman sitting in a chair, with her heeled boots up on the console of his TARDIS. His eyes narrowed as he took her in. She wore a dress reminiscent of Mary Poppins. Her brown hair was up in a severe bun and her sharp eyes met his with cold amusement. Something about her made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. “Who in blazes are you?” he demanded icily.

She offered a shark-like grin. “I’m Missy.”

“Missy,” he repeated. He looked at her as he would an insect. “I hope you can give me a sufficient reason not to kill you for daring to intrude in my TARDIS. And get your feet down.”

“That wouldn’t be very sporting, would it?” She wiggled her feet but didn’t remove them from the console. 

Her Scottish brogue grated on his nerves. He sneered at her. “Why should I care to be sporting?”

She mock pouted. “You’re no fun.” She held up her hands. “See. No weapons. I don’t mean you any harm.”

He snorted. “As if you could harm me.”

“Oh, I think I could.” She suddenly jumped to her feet. She circled the console to stand before him. She looked him up and down, slowly. “The basic black really works for you and the super villain goatee.” She nodded. “Elegant. Distinguished. Any mad tendencies kept under wraps. That’s not so easy for some of us.” She shrugged, sighed mournfully, and patted the back of her head. She didn’t have to pause to breathe. “I know I couldn’t pull the look off. I don’t have the skin tone for it. I’m too pale this time around. Black makes me look like an undertaker and I despise cemeteries. Things never go well. You know--” 

He rolled his eyes and snapped, “Why are you here?”

She arched her eyebrows suggestively. “I’m here to propose that we have a little fun.”

He involuntarily took a step back. “What exactly are you suggesting?”

She stepped closer to him. She leaned in close to his ear. “I’m suggesting,” she whispered, long and drawn out. He flinched and she cackled with delight. “A little fun with our old friend, the Doctor.”

He jerked back from her. “You know the Doctor?”

“Who doesnae?” She waved a hand dismissively. She laughed derisively. “Let’s see. If memory serves, uncontrollable silver hair, ridiculous frilly shirts, and capes. Such a drama queen.” She put a hand on her hip. “Believe me, some things don’t change.”

“Ridiculous is the word,” he agreed sourly. “in his obsession with the primitive denizens of this backwater planet, with being the hero, with doing what’s right.” He didn’t raise his fingers to symbolize the air quotes on the last word but it was quite apparent in his snide tone.

She nodded in sympathy. “You’re only here because of him. If not for him, you’d be taking a holiday on some lovely planet free of apes. If he would just see the real you, none of this would be necessary. In fact, he should welcome you so he can get the hell out of here. He doesn’t like being stuck here, not really.”

“Exactly,” the Master agreed emphatically.

Missy took both his hands. She ran her thumbs over the backs of his knuckles. “But he continues to foil you, doesn’t he, Luv?” she asked kindly.

He scowled but didn’t pull his hands away. “Yes,” he grudgingly admitted. “The Doctor finds a way to use my machines against me, or Ms Grant stumbles into something that makes all the best laid plans unravel, or UNIT shows up.”

She squeezed his hands. “There’s the problem. You could deal with the Doctor but he always has help.”

“What? I’ve tried to put Ms Grant out of the way, but--”

“Not her,” Missy interrupted imperiously. “She’s a dumb animal. It’s not a challenge to kill dumb animals.”

“You’re talking about UNIT.” He frowned. “Their weapons are largely ineffective.”

“Not UNIT as a whole.” She beamed at him as if revealing one of the great truths of the universe. “I’m talking about one man, the Doctor’s biggest support, his anchor.”

He just looked at her blankly.

She stomped a foot. “Oh, come on. You must’ve seen it. You’ll kick yourself when I tell you,” she sing-songed.

The Master looked at her warily but nodded. “I’m listening.”

Missy’s dazzling, slightly demented, smile didn’t dim. She hugged him. “Very well, but first I need a cup of tea and a biscuit or three.”


End file.
